Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
