Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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