eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do vagina's smell?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
