so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
