Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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