I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
