Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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