she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
