you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
