Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
