I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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