Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
