I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think my moral compass just broke
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
