Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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