Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
