Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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