yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
