happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
