We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
