woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
