you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
