I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
