Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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