"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
