they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
