hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
