If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
