1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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