and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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