i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
