Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
