your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
