Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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