I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
