Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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