If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
