i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
