No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
