this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
