I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
