Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
