Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
