My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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