your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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