I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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