Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
