Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So vagazzling was a success
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
