I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
