could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
