Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
