If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
